I have this little necklace that I made for myself a few years ago for a New Years Eve Service. The theme that night was "in the trenches" so these little tags became a part of my dog tags. I wore this again recently and took the time to really read what was on the tags. I thought it very fitting considering all that has happened this year so I'd like to share what I've learned with you in the last days of this year .
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
More than any other time in my life, trust has been a HUGE theme this year. Not in a sense of "I don't trust anyone", but more of being open to trust myself with the things God has given me, trust God COMPLETELY, and even tearing down some walls and trusting that my heart won't be broken again.
Earlier this year I graduated with my Master of Social Work and set out to find a job, but about a month before graduation I had prayed and asked God for direction. He told me not to worry about working right now, but to work for Him and He would take care of me. Instead of responding with a yes, I said well God what about these bills? (Gotta be honest) His response was simple... I will supply. So I said ok... He continued on to say that great calamity would come but not to worry, I would be prepared... to listen to His voice only and hearken not to another. It's kind of scary walking into graduation with that in the back of your mind.
So here I am 7 months after graduation without a job but I work for Jesus full time (like He told me to)! It's been frustrating at times because everybody else doesn't hear the instructions that God gave you and may not trust like you do. Even in the midst of trusting, I still applied for jobs, went on interviews and did the norm because I didn't know if/when God was going to say, "OK, go to work now." Needless to say, none of them worked out. There were even times when I would go to apply for a job and God would say... that's not what I told you to do, don't apply for that position. I had to be obedient and trust in Him. I was never worried about the bills being paid or my need being met, because I know God to be a provider, but I'm still human.
Even while on this journey of trust I learned that a lot of what I thought I needed, I really didn't. I'm on the basics of everything, I plan out my trips to conserve gas when I have to go places, and have done quite a bit of car pooling (s/o to the Wallaces and Claudia!! love you guys!). I take more time in planning before I go grocery shopping, I don't waste ANYTHING (not that I was big on waste before), and I've learned to be a lot more appreciative for everything I do have, no matter how small.
I also learned to trust the things God has given me. My gifts, my discernment, my wisdom, knowledge, my senses, and so many other things. The Bible tells us that each man is given the measure of faith(Romans 12:3) and somewhere in that measure of faith, we also have to have faith in ourselves to trust who and what God has wrapped up in these mortal bodies. If He gave me a word for someone, I gave it... If He showed me something in a dream or vision I wrote it down and asked for understanding/clarity, or shared when needed... I can honestly say that I was not caught by surprise by the enemy one time since God spoke those initial instructions. He would show me the enemy before he got close enough to touch me and even exposed him in hidden places and people. God is so amazing!!
One of the biggest things I learned to to, well maybe not learned, but decided/was forced lol (j/k) to do was open my heart to trust in relationships. With so much divorce and separation in the world it's easy to get discouraged and even become afraid to try relationships... but sometimes love is a risk... and this time definitely one worth taking. I have this friend that everyone kept telling me things about and over and over I would hear... "Watch, that's who you'll end up marrying"... "I bet He's gonna be your husband".... "Somebody had to labor for the man of God".... "You sure that's not your husband??"...."Why aren't you all together??"
It was funny because for a long time, he had been asking me some of those same questions and telling me I was supposed to be his wife. I always had the discussions with him and would turn his questions right back around on him for answers neither of us had... so one day in July I was at work and he calls me... we talked like it hadn't been 5-6 months since out last conversation and before we hang up, he tells me again "You know you're supposed to be my wife...maaan whatever... you can keep lying to yourself if you want to, you love me" So we said our goodbyes and spoke again within a few days... the time between our conversations kept getting shorter and shorter and before you know it... we were talking everyday... Then it happened...
I was minding my business praising God that He hadn't let any of my words fall to the ground. Even took me all the way back to when i was in the 1st and 2nd grade and reminded me of what I said I wanted to do when I grew up... and how I was doing just that...so I'm praising and giving God glory and all of a sudden I felt a tap on the shoulder... right in the midst of my praise and God said matter-of-factly... "I am not a respecter of persons... I didn't let any of your words fall to the ground, so what do you think I'm going to do with his? This man has been declaring for ten years that you're his wife....." Stopped me dead in the middle of my praise and shut my mouth! All I could do was stand there in awe and again... trust God. We're not married yet, but I did finally quit lying to myself lol.... After years of being in denial and running it took a close friend of mine to just come out and tell me.... "yeah I hear you, but deep down in your sanctified soul... you know"
I'll see y'all at the altar sometime in the near future.... come back for pt. 2!!!
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