They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5
As the old saying goes... after all that I've been through I still got joy!! That is definitely my testimony for this year. Life in general really, but I thank God for continually bringing me through. I am an overcomer!! I love this scripture because the word for sow, zara`, is not only in the context of planting seed, but it also means to become pregnant. Many of the things that have caused me to shed tears are the things that God has impregnated me with, or sown into the fiber of my being. Even thous some of those things have cause me tears... I know when it's harvest time, it's all joy... Proverbs 10:22 says The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.... so even when I creid a few tears, it wasn't because of God. Sometimes it was the burdens of those connected to me, other times it was the condition of the world, and at times it was just me needing to lay my burdens down. When God gives you a glimps of the life He's laid out for you it's not always an easy pill to swallow.... Many of my tears have been tears of humility and awe that God would even want to use me. It still blows me away every time.
Earlier this year God told me that great calamity would come, but not to worry because I would be prepared. Well, I've seen more than enough, but it was a blessing to be prepared. God spoke things in my spirit before they happened, showed me the enemy before he attacked, prepared me for some great losses and the loss of loved ones for several of my friends. When I graduated I felt that God was going to do something different with my newly acquired skills, but I definitely didn't know it would play out the way it has. I've been in full time ministry pretty much since August, actually a little before then and hadn't realized it. I've been blessed to be there for friends, family, former co-workers, random folks online, friends of friends.. and whomever God had lined up in my appointment book for those days. it's not always easy to wear a smile or put on a happy face when you're listening to the problems of others, bearing others' burdens, and putting out fires all the time, BUT GOD! I may not have been happy all the time but I haven't let anything steal my joy... that bubbling up of hope and exuberance and inner peace about everything... yep.. that's the best way I can describe joy.
Joy is when everything is going wrong and your attitude is... "Can't worry about it!" and you really mean it... joy is when you have 17cents in the bank but you're still smiling, still praising, still giving of yourself, still have a great attitude... when you know all your bills are waiting in the mailbox...
The best way to not worry about it is do something you're designed and purposed to do... So in the midst of everything that has happened this year I rediscovered my passion for teaching the word of God! I teach and preach at my church, but God opened up another door. My grandmother asked if I would teach a bible study in her home for her and a few neighbors. It has been amazing!
You never know when, where, or how someone will come into greater truth and revelation of God and being able to assist in that is something I just love. I love tackling stereotypes, traditions, erroneous teaching, twisting and manipulation of the word... I AM A TRUTH CARRIER!! I always have been and pray I always will be!. My mom used to ask me if I liked certain outfits and she would be shocked when I'd say not... My response was always... Well if you didn't want the truth why did you ask me?? Same thing applies to the word! I love it!! There's no better feeling than defeating the enemy by dispelling his lies and exposing his raggedy seeds and plucking them up by the root! I am passionate and joyful when it comes to the word of God!! It is truly a light for my path and the lamp that guides these fat toes of mine...
If you don't know already... take some time to find out what you're passionate about! it may help you get back to a place of joy...
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