The second incident happened when I told my family that I was moving to Florida, and my granny broke down. She went into a fit of righteous anger, pleading, crying, and telling me that God didn't tell me to go that far away from my family and that I don't even know what love is. The thought hadn't even entered my mind, and I really had no clue what she meant until a few years later when she was gone. I thought about all of the ways my granny showed her love for her family. She wasn't the most physically affectionate person, but she would give us her last, cook, clean, and pray, help, serve, sacrifice, and do everything she could to make sure we felt loved. Even after she was diagnosed with cancer, she would fuss over me and try to cook for me when I went home. She would be excited to make me whatever I asked for and fuss if I didn't let her. That's love...
The next part of the lessons happened after I moved to Florida. I met someone who I thought I would have a future with, but found out that he only wanted to use me for selfish reasons. Even in the midst of that, I had another type of love encounter. I was blessed to help care for his daughters. Loving them stretched me in ways I didn't know I was capable of loving. Those beautiful little faces pulled new levels of patience and selflessness out of me. Taught me what it meant to just need love and love alone... they didn't want anything else from me. Just presence and all the love I had to give. So I learned to give it without limits, even when that meant I chose to endure some of the things that came along with their father. I stayed; for them, I sacrificed for them.
Last year I learned what it means to love someone and let them go. The day my mom died, I was flying home to get to her, but deep down I knew I probably wouldn't make it. I hoped and prayed that I would, but somewhere in my prayers, I let her go. I spent the whole flight from Daytona to Atlanta with my eyes closed in prayer and worship... talking to our Father. I don't know what I prayed because it was the Holy Spirit praying for me... truly making intercession on my behalf (Romans 8:26-27). I know I didn't beg God to let her stay; I asked Him to be with her, to comfort her, and not to let her suffer. Somewhere in those prayers, a peace I'd never felt before came over me, and I told her it was ok to go. In those moments, God allowed me to see her departure in the Spirit. When I landed in Atlanta for my connecting flight, I received confirmation that she'd transitioned. I didn't fall apart because I knew she was with the Father and at peace. I didn't see her when I got to the hospital, and honestly, I don't think I would have handled her transition as well if I had.
One of the last conversations I had with my mom was about my honey. We had just recently met, and I was telling her about him and what made him different. She said Good, I've been praying for God to send you a husband to take care of you and love you like I do when I'm gone. My mom talked about this often because my dad was already deceased, along with my grandmother and my aunt. These four were my foundation, my biggest cheerleaders, my prayer warriors, my loves... BUT GOD!!
God knows who you need and when you need them. You see, a month prior, I met the man we'd all been praying for. At the time, I didn't know he was who I needed and the one we'd all been waiting on, but God knew exactly when to send him and when I would need him most. From the moment I got the phone call about my mom, he was right there, patient, kind, consistent, understanding, supportive, loving, encouraging, and full of prayer and faith. Let me rewind and give a little context for the people who don't know... we met online on a dating site right after Valentine's Day, and we hadn't had our first date yet. We were actually planning it for the weekend my mother passed away. That Monday, he'd returned from vacation and shared with me the story of his mother's passing, not knowing mine would transition on Friday.
I'm not going to go into all the details because that's for another time, but I will paint a brief picture...
Before I boarded the flight, he prayed with me, gave me wise counsel, sent me gospel songs, and reassured me that he was there for me.
He was the first phone call I received when my foot stepped off the plane in KY. The entire time I was at the hospital with my family, he was texting to check on me, make sure I wasn't alone, and to send me words of encouragement and prayers. He talked to me all night when I couldn't sleep. He tried to convince me to rest, but I was wide awake... mind reeling. He was right there all night.
I ended up being in KY for almost 2 months after my mother passed. He and I spoke every day. He was the same patient, steady, understanding, kind man. When I was impatient and ready to come home, he settled me and reminded me that I had things to take care of and reassured me that he would be right there waiting when I did. AND HE WAS!
He notices on days when I'm sad and don't speak the words. He reminds me that I carry my mom in my heart and that she's proud of me. He makes me laugh when my days are heavy and holds me without me needing to say a word. He always makes me feel safe, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. No matter how tired, busy, or exhausted he is, he always makes time for me. He prays for me and my endeavors. He's my cheerleader; I can go to him for wise counsel, the Word, encouragement, and even correction. He is firm and gentle. He is patient when my trauma is speaking and always willing to talk through things. He's a protector and a provider; he is so very humble, quick to listen, and speaks from wisdom rather than emotion. He takes accountability and not only apologizes but changes what needs to change. He's generous and so selfless. I've watched this man sacrifice countless times for others in need. He cares for his grandmother every week, makes sure his siblings are covered, counsels friends and coworkers, and is a blessing to the team he leads at work. I didn't write this part JUST to publicly give him his flowers. I wrote it for several reasons.
One, because he is the answer to my mom's prayer. Two, because he is a reminder of God's faithfulness in answering her prayer and providing for me in her absence. Three, because I want him to know how much of a difference his presence makes in the lives of the people he touches. And four, because I had honestly given up and was starting to believe that love like this wouldn't find me. At a certain point in dating, I got tired of hearing I love you and not seeing the actions behind it. So I said that my litmus test for love moving forward would be 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. (NIV)
This beautiful man who is the answer to my mom's prayer embodies this scripture. Every day, I see it in his actions: how he cares for others, his humility, his patience, compassion, and consistency. I see him forgive easily, choose kindness, and the greater good when it would be beneficial for him. I watch him give away his dinner when coworkers are hungry, provide for friends in need, pray with me for people he hasn't even met, and get excited when God gives me something new to do. He works quietly in the background, not taking credit or wanting acknowledgement for the amazing things he accomplishes.
I said all of this because I've been quiet for too long, and someone, a very special someone, reminded me that I've got things to do and people to help. So I'm picking my pen back up and giving back the gifts God gave me. I hope it helps somebody else see just how very much God loves us. He loves us enough to teach us through everyday life situations and show us His character every step of the way. John 4:8 reminds us of this...
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. (NKJV)
So I ask again, how do you know God??
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