From the Abundance

For the longest time I've always told myself "tell people how you feel while you have the chance, you never know when you might not."  Well I can't say that I've held to that word... most of the time I do but recently I've found myself having to tear down some more walls.  Funny how you think you're done with demolition and you turn around to find another hallway that you didn't realize was there... So last night was my date night with myself.  I made myself dinner, got a nice fuzzy blanket, curled up on my couch and read a great book and watched a movie.  As I read the book I saw a lot of myself in the characters.  It was a romance novel (hey don't judge me.. lol) and the two parties had both faced difficult pasts and trials that deeply scarred them.  They were both paralyzed by fear and about to miss out on something wonderful because of it.  Many times we limit ourselves because we're afraid... afraid we'll fail, being alone, afraid...

Ok, so this is where I have to just be really transparent and tell on myself... lately I have been getting quite a bit of attention from the opposite sex... if you know me, you know I'm not one to put myself out there to intentionally attract attention.  I'm perfectly fine laying low and being in the background.  So anywho I started thinking about the purpose of this attention (and it's mixed.. some positive, some the wrong kind in every way) and I came to the conclusion that it's all a part of this slurry of stuff, this transition period and even an old trick of the enemy.    One of the desires of my heart is to be married and have a family, not just for the sake of being with somebody or to have a big lavish wedding.  I truly desire a Godly marriage where my husband and I do ministry together, raise a family together, and honor God with our life and marriage.  Well, when you're still waiting.... hmmph.. the devil gets real busy sending dummies, decoys, ...

I started a different blog but had to sit that one aside to have a personal therapy session through writing.  I don't know about anybody else, but right now I'm feeling all kinds of crazy.  I can't quite describe what it is, how I feel, what's on my mind.. it's almost like every botton got pushed at once and I'm on overload. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! Feeling this way is so frustrating.  I can't get my thoughts focused, can't get my emotions together, i feel like I'm on the inside of a salad spinner and everything is all over the place.   Jesus!! That's all I can manage to pray right now.  That, and Lord you know!  Tap me out, ya girl is done!  So tonight.. I'm making me some cocoa.. gonna put on some music and just sit at my kitchen table and have a long talk with Jesus.  I can't even pray all that "Father God..." type of prayer tonight.. we just need to have a good ol sit down heart to heart.  It's proba...

  One of my favorite authors and poets is Dr. Maya Angelou.  I love listening to her recite it because nobody else can do it quite the way she does.  There's something about the wisdom in her voice, the experience behind her eyes and the emphasis and inflection of her words.  When I was in high school I read the first part of her autobiography, I know Why the Caged Bird Sings, and always wondered why she had chosen that title.  I read the book and began to understand, but as I kept on living, I found out for myself.  Birds are built for flight.  Their aerodynamic bodies, wings, feet, even the placement and pattern of their feathers enhance the bird's ability to soar.  When a bird is in it's natural element it flies effortlessly, picks up and goes as it pleases, coasts on the wind and flies above the environment it was born in.  So in case you haven't made the connection yet, let me help you out.... Each of us were created with specif...

For a long time I declared things that I wanted and told God the desires of my heart, but when the chance came for me to have them.  I ran.  I ran without even realizing I was running.  Out of my mouth, I said ok God, I'll do whatever you want me to do, go wherever you send me, and do whatever you assign to my hands.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  This past month we completed a series entitled "Who Am I??"  The series was intended to help believers discover who we are in Christ, who the Bible says we are, what God says about us, what we can do, how we were made, and many other things.  Well the first thing I discovered was not what was on the page, or anything else that was covered in any of the lessons.  I learned that I am an Olympic Gold medal track star.  I discovered that although I had given God my yes, and I was doing the work, that I was running the 400m relay all by myself... in my m...