From the Abundance

  Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash Sometimes I have so many things I want to say but various traumas keep my mouth closed.  Sometimes it's the thought of how I'll be perceived, what my confessions and declarations will incite, who will use my words against me, and even if I'll be understood. So like Mary, I have learned to ponder things in my heart. It's not uncommon to have a thousand things going on in your head at once but you've gotta be careful not to let all those things run free for too long.  It creates this crazy invisible pressure that makes you feel like you've gotta do everything right,  by yourself,  now,  or simply like YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND!  Let me tell you something,  it's a lie! Stop, breathe, and take a step back. You're not a robot,  a factory that constantly has to produce, or a superhero. You're a human...a complex spiritual being living a fleshly experience in a chaotic world. That means there are

  Photo by Kitera Dent on Unsplash Everybody loves a good fairytale and often our expectations are just that, a fairytale.  Most of the time when we see a castle, we think of fairy tales and happy endings.  I can't help but think about a lot of the other things that happen behind palace walls while the outside world is fantasizing about being on the inside. Think about Bathsheba, minding her business taking a bath, and becoming the object of the king's desire.  Her life was turned upside down because the king's lust overcame him.  She tried to do the right thing and even asked him not to, saying if you just ask my husband, he'll oblige.  Did that stop him? No!  So fast forward and now she's pregnant, but her husband's been away at war. The king tried to cover up his mess but her Husband was a dedicated soldier.  What did that win him?  A set up to be murdered. He was sent to the front lines and was murdered at the king's command. On top of all that... the b

Photo by  Kelly Sikkema  on  Unsplash When I asked God for the gift of healing I had absolutely no idea what I was really asking for.  I just knew that when I looked around, a lot of people were sick and hurting and I wanted to do something about it.  As I got older and matured in the things of Christ, I knew that healing wouldn't be just physical.  I knew that I was in for a crazy ride when God told me, "I have to keep breaking you in order to heal them". Sounds crazy right?  It's really not. Psalm 51:17 says  My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.  I wish someone would have told me what I was asking for when I asked God to break my heart with the things that break His heart.  That's a big, crazy, bold prayer.  I could have never imagined that it would lead me down the path that is has thus far.  I said all of that to say this... if you have a friend that has healing gifts, check on them.   Make s

Photo by  Dariusz Sankowski  on  Unsplash I took a very unintentional hiatus from blogging over the past few months and tonight  friend reminded me that I needed to get back to it.  So here I am!  I have so much to say but I often find it difficult to express or struggle with just putting things out there.  This post will be the first of several.  There are lots of things on my heart and mind so it's time I get back to sharing. John 4:24 NLT says, For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth. In order for us to render proper worship unto God we have to walk in our truth, no matter what that is.  When we refuse to or don't acknowledge parts of our truth it can hinder our worship.  Honestly, our truth isn't always pretty, it isn't always what's expected or considered "proper", but it is what it is.  So here are a few of mine... Even though I live a life poured out, I often don't feel fulfilled...there's

Photo by  Sydney Zentz  on  Unsplash Over the past two weeks, I've gone through some pretty big things.  I went to the hospital 3 times, was admitted and spent the night, saw my primary care  4 times and spent several days and nights in excruciating pain.  After several attempts to get some relief from the pain, I was finally sent for a CT Scan only to discover that my spine is pressing on the nerves in my spinal cord. Suddenly the thing that the rude ER nurse told me I should manage at home was a legitimate issue.  Suddenly I had a reason for screaming out in pain in the ER.  Suddenly I was a patient and not a burden.... Suddenly I went from being healthy to taking 6 different meds and being in a medicated stupor just to manage the pain.   Suddenly I had high blood pressure and high blood sugar.. the things I've worked so hard to avoid.  Suddenly, I was unable to drive or perform most of my normal functions with my left arm.  I had to depend on my mom for much of everyth

Photo by  ANDRIK LANGFIELD PETRIDES  on  Unsplash I do a post every year for my birthday reflecting on the things I've learned, what I hope for moving forward, and just where I am in life.  This year I had a different kind of birthday so I wrote a different kind of post.  Hope it still blesses somebody!  Sometimes when you're wired to give and pour out and nurture others you can feel invisible.  Most days I spend my day taking care of other people, helping families, and  keeping children from being removed from their families.  I take crisis calls, ims, and emails all day and try to be a listening ear for friends and family when needed.  Sometimes I feel like I've disappeared and all people see is the gifts, the talents, the benefit of having me around. I love that I can be and do all of those things but at times I feel like screaming , "Hey I'm human too ya know!"   "I need someone to support and encourage me."  "It would be nice to f