There's a lot of talk about being transparent and real and what not these days in the kingdom but a lot of people are more like a stained glass mosaic than truly transparent... they let you see through the areas they want you to but hide most of the truth. Well today let me help somebody out by being real transparent...
I'm 33, I have two degrees ( a B.S. in Apparel Design & Merchandising and A Master of Social Work), I live alone, pay my own bills (with the Lord's help), I'm gifted, talented and anointed to do a lot of things. I have great friends, a wonderful family and a pretty decent boyfriend. I have a small image consulting business on the side, I'm building a ministry and I'm writing blogs, books, and several other things...I'm usually a pretty upbeat and positive person.... People usually tend to think I have it all together, ask me how I do it, how I did this and that or whatever
The thing is... I'm extremely frustrated, I have stuff and accomplishments but I'm lonely, I'm suffering from church hurt, I'm disappointed in people (in general and some individuals in particular), I have trust issues because of the church hurt, I feel unappreciated, unwanted and foolish at times. I struggle in my flesh daily (and praise God my boyfriend doesn't live close by because I'd probably be on somebody's altar right now repenting), if it's not my flesh I'm wrestling with, it's my mind... HONEY... THE FILM INDUSTRY HAS NOTHING ON MY MIND!! Talk about hi def awesome quality picture.. 3-D with smell-o-vision, Dolby digital surround sound playing through a Bose system.... if God wasn't holding my mouth and I could say what I really want to say... a whole lot of folks and stuff would have been straight MURDERED by now, I don't pray enough, Don't fast like I should, and some days I just don't like people. My money is jacked up because I sowed into bad ground and didn't know it. I have been struggling to sort through everything that's going on in my life right now so I am uncertain of my destiny and what that looks like now (at one time I had a clear picture). I feel like my life is on hold and I want to press Play & Fast Forward at the same time, and somewhere along the way I lost my intensity in praise...
in other words... I'm a Hott Mess!
BUT GOD!!
He's still keeping me, still holding my mind together, still providing for my need (no matter what it is), and still calls me daughter. He knows how I am, and He knows how to get me in line.. I'm thankful that He shows me myself. John 4:24 says God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.
So as a worshiper, I must tell the truth about myself and where I am. I can't try to fool myself and I definitely can't lie to the Holy Ghost. I betcha I won't end up like Ananias & Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11).
The difference with me and a lot of other people is...
- I AM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT MY HEART IS BROKEN RIGHT NOW AND SIT MYSELF DOWN....
- I'M NOT AFRAID OF WHAT ANYBODY ELSE THINKS OR SAYS,
- I'M NOT BOUND BY TITLES & OFFICES, SO I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT LOSING IT
- I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT WHAT ANYBODY ELSE FEELS I SHOULD/SHOULD NOT BE DOING RIGHT NOW...
- I'M BOLD ENOUGH TO DEFEND WHAT GOD GAVE ME BY MAKING SURE I DO IT FROM THE RIGHT PLACE AND WITH THE RIGHT HEART
- I'M CRAZY ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT EVEN IN THE MIDST OF EVERYTHING GOD IS STILL GETTING GLORY
- AND I'M WISE ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT MY CONDITION AS A MINISTER GREATLY IMPACTS THOSE I MINISTER TO...
No matter what's going on I have to remember that God created me with a purpose in mind. So although I don't have it all together (why would I need God if I did?) His hand is still on my life, His word is still my rule book and instruction manual, and I STILL KNOW my shepherd's voice.
So if you appear to have it all together on the outside but are a little bit (or a lot) broken on the inside, don't be afraid to take the time to give yourself back to God. Put yourself back on the Potter's wheel and let God reshape you. Let Him heal you like only He can. Then move forward with new power, new authority, an even greater blessing for those you minister to, greater capacity to love and forgive, and more compassion for those who are lost and don't realize it. I pray this blesses somebody.
Even though things seem a mess right now, you're the perfect mess for God to work a miracle through and for!
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